Saturday, September 15, 2012

Daily Journal: Post Five

***this post is late because my blog wasn't allowing me to post. But, at least it's here!***

Today I have been rather nostalgic. 
I was rummaging through my original facebook page and was bum rushed by a flood of feelings. I think my depression is acting out a little again, which honestly makes no sense because this is my favorite time of year. The transition to fall! Not actually fall, it can be a tad bit too cold for me, but that area between summer and fall. I love it!  Yes, I'm weird. I thought this was established already with the baby name post! 

I've been off my schedule the past week. I've spent most of my mornings napping while DS is in school (and DD and DH were napping with me!) We've been having to pick DH up from work at 11pm and it throws me off being up when he's home before I go to bed. It's hard to explain. So needless to say, I have been up until about 3am then getting up at 6:45am to get DS up for school. I get home right at 8am from dropping him off and am napping by 9am until at least 12pm. Crazy. But it almost drives me crazy. I haven't wanted to do any of the housework. I'm having to make myself do all that. I don't even want to cook supper. ugh. 

What I DO want to do is be crafty. I'd like to learn how to crochet. I've got a pattern to sew a teddy bear with, but I'm just not feeling the sewing thing. I'd like to make DD one of these no sew tutus, and crochet some stuff. Paint/hang some stuff. I can't find any shelves like I want at the thrift stores and it's kind of aggervating. I want to decorate for fall, but lack decorations. And I'm just going to stop nagging there before I get into the job area of nagging. I shouldn't nag, but I do. It's honestly my fault I'm sitting here nagging on the internet about not having a job. Instead of quitting my last full time job, I should have just stuck it out. Working seems to make me feel better about myself. The past day I haven't felt like I was of any importance to anyone. (Depression issues.) And I know I am. I'm the most important person my children need! I know this, but I don't feel it. I think that may be why I feel sleepy all day (aside from the 4 hours of sleep I get a night..normally I can function off that little) Oddly enough, I think another factor may be the fact that we've been buying soda again. We barely drank it before, and once I start drinking it, it is insanely hard for me to resist. Seriously. I think that's part of the reason I feel so sluggish. Instead of grabbing a bottle of water like I have been, I grab a can of soda. Who wouldn't, right? Looks like I'm going to have to wean myself off of it again. :( And my coffee. Got to get back off the coffee again too. I love it, but it's not going to work out if I want to be healthy. And I don't think switching to decaf is an option lol! 

I feel like I want to elaborate on some of the things I've said, but I don't know what to say. I hate that feeling. Trying to explain feelings and then not being able to. That's what this whole blog is for, to get everything out in the open and NOT bottle things up. But when you lack to words to tell the story...there's not too much you can do about it. And that just flat out sucks. 

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